Nick Fury and the Rugrats
by madwriter223
Summary: -Kink Meme- The Avengers and Loki end up deaged. Nick Fury gets stuck with them. Rated for Profanities.


**Nick Fury and the Rugrats**

Let it be said that Nick Fury was _not_ a weak man. He was the leader of SHIELD, he feared nothing, he ruled over his army of agents and unruly superheroes with an iron fist, and he had the President at his beck and call considering procedures and national defence.

With that in mind, let it also be said that Nick Fury was fucking tired.

It had been a very long day. It started with Banner and Stark showing off an aging machine they reverse-engineered from the invading extraterrestrials they had defeated last week. It went to shit with the arrival of Loki and his try to 'improve the machine' with magic. It ended with a room full of brats and a headache the size of that stupid tree Thor sometimes spouted about.

After making sure all the brats were healthy, he ordered his best team of scientists to start working on a way to reverse the effects of this particular fiasco.

Fury had then turned to order Coulson to babysit, but the bastard had already assigned himself somewhere else.

Nick had tried to foist the kids off on someone else, usually the agents not fast enough to run away. Didn't work. Mostly because the brats apparently had a knack for getting into his way. He left the room they were in and Banner started crying and turning green. He worked on his paperwork, and Rogers constantly run in and started snitching that there was a fight or something ridiculously 'unfair'. He took a walk through his Helicarrier and ended up fishing Stark out of the wall cables. He went to eat and had to shoot several pink spiders as big as his head that apparently started building a nest in the mess hall. Then he had to track down Loki and tell him to knock it the fuck off.

He even tried going to the training area, hoping to work off some frustration. First thing he did was drag Romanov away from the training guns (he let her keep one sans bullets just so she would stop shrieking). Second, he made Barton stop trying to build a castle out of dumbbells. Next he had to track down Stark and Loki _again_ and force them to reverse what they did to the training equipment. Last, he got Thor off the ceiling fan and possibly managed to convince him that no, he couldn't fly worth shit.

But finally, the day was almost over. Coulson finally got off his lazy ass (after Fury found him and ordered him to), and got the brats fed, washed and dressed in PJs, then straight to bed, never mind that it was four o'clock in the afternoon.

While Coulson was making sure of all that, Fury locked himself in his nice, quiet, kid-free office and tried to ignore the way his headache throbbed across his temples.

Alas, peace and quiet just wasn't meant to be for him, it seemed.

"Sir, there is a situation." Coulson said as he entered the office.

His headache gave a mighty throb and Nick's single eye twitched. "If you are here to tell me Stark found the reactor and made some 'adjustments' to it, I don't want to hear it."

"No, sir, it isn't that." Was it him, or were the words 'this time' floating there somewhere? "The children refuse to sleep without seeing you first."

"What the Hell for?"

"I assume to say goodnight, sir."

Fine. He could survive that much, as long as it ended with the brats finally sleeping.

So Fury got up off his nice comfy chair, and walked down to the room assigned to the kiddified Avengers plus Loki. He opened the door, stuck his head inside, said a brisk "'Night." and left.

Or tried to leave, at least.

"WAIT!"

Why must little kids be so loud?

Fury growled in frustration and marched back into the room. "What? What do you want now?"

Seven pairs of fake-innocent eyes blinked at him.

"We want a story!" Thor demanded, bouncing on his temporary bed. "A valiant story of honorable warriors! With dragons!"

"No, tell a Robin Hood story!"

"But one with machines!"

"And science!"

"And magic!"

"But make sure the good guys win!"

"Where's the fun in that? Make the bad guys win!"

"NO!"

Yup, nothing could out-scream a bunch of five-year-old boys than a five-year-old girl.

Romanov glared at the boys menacingly. "I don't want a stupid story! I want a _lullaby_!"

"Lullabies are for babies." Some brave sap protested, but the baby-Widow was hearing none of it.

"SHUT UP!" She looked at Fury expectantly. "I want a lullaby!"

Nick growled at her. "I don't know any lullabies."

"I don't care. You can make one up. Or say a poem."

The headache pulsed, and Nick Fury gave in. "Fine. You want a poem, here's a poem:

"Go the fuck to sleep, you goddamn little brats,

Lay in your beds and take a fucking nap.

I'm tired and sore and fed up with this crap,

So go the fuck to sleep, and stop sniggering like rats."

Nick then turned on his heel and stalked out of the room, ignoring the laughter that followed him out (stupid brats, giggling at profanities and not understanding insults). He had some leave left over and he was going to use it, goddammit! Let Coulson deal with the brats.

Five minutes later Nick Fury left the SHIELD Helicarrier and didn't return until the Avengers plus Loki were back to their original ages.

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A/N: Written for the Kink Meme Prompt: Either Loki and the Avengers all get deaged, or an AU where they're all little kids and Nick Fury is their teacher, and he reads "Go the Fuck to Sleep" to them.


End file.
